Action and Thought Instances

Spilled the last of my coffee after staying awake the entire night, yeah, it was also the last of my money-so that makes it even better. About an hour before the tragic spill, I had walked about the lakeshore. Trying to catch the sunrise or trying to catch something. But the sky was too cloudy and the weather a bit chilly so to keep warm I kept moving instead. All I found was wet sand, a family going fishing in the early morning hours and a photographer taking pictures of me as I walked back toward Second City.

I clumsily scraped a knuckle upon a board at work with the sign “Safety Zone” on it. Not very safe to have the sign where it is, but I’m no manager. Instead I continue my work and two days later I bump the same knuckle with the scrape against objects-unintentionally-and become more annoyed as this continues eventually kicking something in anger…I hate it when previous wounds continue to be irritated.

Chopping down on chips with guacamole is only wonderful when the guacamole has flavor, straight avocado, where’s the excitement in that? But as I much on these chips, I feel at a loss, no more guacamole to dip them in…

Don’t take your eyes off the road, Kevin screamed in my ear after punching me in the arm. I had nearly creamed the vehicle in front of us. Thankfully the brakes were new. If I had been driving the car I have now, Pontiac Grand Am, we would never have made it.

She and I partner up for the writing exercise. I had never met or seen her before, I forget her name too. But she was a beautiful blonde from the United Kingdom, London in fact. Don’t know if she was visiting or came to the States to study, but she was definitely someone I would like to talk to again. There seem to be fewer people I wish to talk with each day.

Noise around me, a dim light in the bar, and jazz playing-no shitting you!-jazz. This bar is my kind of bar. At this bar I can be myself as I am a regular here. Many people come to keep drinking far into the night as other bars close, but I come to read and to drink. Not shitting you Mike! To read, write and talk-and yes-listen to jazz.

Ever watch the news, or hear someone say, or see them do, or know about the lie, or the blatant disregard, or the complete misunderstood retaliating statement, or something-many things that just make me want to throw up! I tend not to converse or wish to meet the people that cause me to puke from the utter stupidity and nonsense that makes me question the direction of human evolution…Are we truly evolving for the better?

Justin Vaisnor

I DON'T Want to Conform

I look around at myself and the world. The evolution of mankind that has taken place is extensive and quick.

            I consider myself to be lazy, but perhaps it is because I like to think in depth in everything I do and observe my life around me. The world is getting up and acting so fast without questioning their motives behind their actions. “Society and the media showed and told me and my family to this-so I shall not question and act as I am told.” This is a mistake I believe. If one is for individual liberty safety and a global community that works together then what is needed is not extensive commonness and mediocrity, but individuality. While respecting everyone’s individuality.

            I guess I should be saying something about my life and the trivial matters I am affected by. But I feel affected by the world and the actions people make which I have no choice but to trust as they produce and I must consume (food and materials and immeasurable entertainment for my leisure).

            Alright, alright, I’ll conform for a moment and mention something, that bugs me. Youtube, the voting of like or dislike. There are some videos where the music artist is not well-known but is up and coming, they may have a beautiful voice, great musical talent, a great music video and the song is sung about peace or love-it doesn’t particularly matter-and yet there are numerous dislikes. It makes me wonder if people are hitting dislike just for the fuck of it or are against music and so while trying to find their soul searching through endless youtube music videos, many filled with great expression or combination of tones, melodies, and images, they realize the people making these videos are all conforming to the trend of downloading a useless waste of time onto the internet-and know that people will watch if bored or procrastinating enough-and so dislike everything that is in their lives and dislike themselves for going on youtube for they themselves conformed to the mediocrity of watching a bright screen and not looking about their world to see the beauty and simplicity of life, of cultures formed around simplicity being sucked away to the conforming idea of greed, power, and civil liberty abuses to make people of a like mind and hand money to a rich few that will grow richer as they will obtain more wealth and more ability to obtain more wealth…yeah, that went a little far.

            I watch Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s South Park. There is an episode called Ass Burgers. And a message in the episode (at least I got one from it that they didn’t even try to form in the first place nor outright mention): The ten-year old Stan Marsh sees the world as pointless and shitty. A group of people tells him then tries to show him that the world is that way all the time and there is a reason people can’t see the world as it is-which isn’t shitty-but a varying repetitive world that is projected as an illusion of blissful leisure and without worry or stress: created by a group of genetically mutated people, by aliens, or by a ruling class that knows secrets no one else knows; but really I saw the problem being: oneself. We blame problems on everything in our world around us as out of our control. Take control of your own life, don’t go to see that movie or watch that show or go to the mall for something you don’t really need. Maybe leisure is listening to a new band while trying to play a new instrument as you listen, or going out to volunteer, taking a hike, turning off your phone and talking to friends (be sure you mention you wish to talk and not talk to the backs of phones as they text or explore the internet). For life is not on a screen, it is in front and all around. The reason the world is the way it is, is because of people getting up and performing actions that had changed the world. We have no one to blame but ourselves if the world is the way it is because of faults or mistakes, negligence or not seeing all possible flaws or terrible consequences that could befall us. We have only ourselves to blame. That is why I think long and deep into everything around me, to not conform and make the same mistake twice, three times, four-Damnit!-stop getting completely trashed and wasting a perfectly capable brain that can do more for you-and others-than you assume!...blame-and then change!-yourself, and find a way to do so for the better. (But first find what the “better” truly is.)

            This may just be a journal entry, and just my thoughts but, doesn’t that count as non-fiction? Anyway, some imagery: I type this on my laptop atop of a brown desk beside two windows that provide my room much light, especially in the afternoon when the sun hits the leaves of the tree outside my window and gives me a feeling of bliss and hope as the light streams through to hit walls of beige like gold sandy beaches with waves breaking along a spotted shaded shore from tall palm trees. I sometimes lounge upon my bed as one would on a hammock stretched out under the sun with the only thought being: when will this end?

Justin Vaisnor